


These Alternate Versions of Us

by DraniKitty



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: M/M, au writing prompts, some might be nsfw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-13 09:37:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5702968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DraniKitty/pseuds/DraniKitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically it's me running off with some AU writing prompts I found too tantalizing to NOT play with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I found you trying to sleep in the hall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i got up at 2 am to get some snacks at the convenience store down the street and opened my door to find you trying to sleep on the floor of the hallway because your roommate has his fiancée over so i guess i’ll lend you my couch for the night AU
> 
> (Tweeked just a tad)

Blessed were stay-at-home vacations. Pausing Netflix, Ross stretched. It was the first night of being on his staycation, and he had opted to stay up all night binge-watching whatever show caught his fancy first. Tonight it had been American Horror Story.

All things had to come to a pause, though, when he found his kitchen void of snacks. Thoughtfully staring into his empty freezer, he scratched at his throat, considering his options. He could just turn in, or he could go to the all-night convenience store down the road. Of course when he thought about it, he really wanted some ice cream, and a Kinder Bueno.

His mind had been made up, led by his stomach.

Unfortunately, as he opened the door, he found the way to blessed sweets blocked. One of his neighbors was curled up in the all, on the floor, hugging a pillow and wrapped in a blanket, trying to sleep.

Ross found himself faced with a new dilema - Ignore his neighbor, or give him a poke. He almost imagined the little shoulder demon and shoulder angel, arguing over if he should or not.

They at least agreed that he should go over, but the reasoning was vastly different, because he had to concede to the shoulder demon that, yes, the guy's face was adorable. But the shoulder angel's reasoning was that it was the polite thing to do. The shoulder demon's was... He didn't want to think about that.

Crouching next to the man, Ross reached up and poked his shoulder. "Hey, mate, what're you doing out here?"

The man's face scrunched up, before one blue eye peeked open. "Flat mate brought his girlfriend over, couldn't stand being in there and I'm tryin' to sleep. You mind?"

He frowned, giving the ginger-bearded man a flat look. "I do mind, actually, because you're attempting to sleep in the hall like a hobo." He stood up, them thumbed at his door. "Look, why don't you come crash on my couch?" Any desire to go get ice cream or chocolate had died, replaced by neighborly concern.

The man stared up at Ross, before getting up. He easily had two inches on Ross, that was for sure. "Really? No joke?"

"Yeah, all you gotta do is tell me your name."

His face cracked into a grin, before a hand reached out. "Alex Smith, most people call me Smith. And I promise I don't snore or anything."

He took the hand, shaking it. "Ross Hornby. So, come on, couch is comfortable enough." He looked down. "Better than the floor, at least."

"Mate, my CAR is better than that damn floor." Grabbing his pillow, Smith followed Ross into his flat, ready for the comparative marshmallow heaven that was the couch. "Thanks, you're a real life-saver there."

"Don't mention it. I should be getting to bed, anyway. Bathroom's there if you need it, cups in the cupboard over the sink if you get thirsty." He slid his shoes off, then padded for his room, pausing at the door. "Night, Smith."

"Night, Ross. And thanks again." He put the pillow down, then flopped on the sofa. Blessed was the fact his neighbor was nearly as tall as him, his feet didn't dangle off the end of the sofa. He had no further thoughts, sleep quickly grasping him. In the next room, everything turned off, Ross, too went to sleep, finding just how tired he actually was staying up to two in the morning.


	2. I swear I don't always scream like this at horror movies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: i screamed so loud watching a horror movie that my neighbour came to check if everything was alright and we somehow ended up finishing the film together.

He wasn't normally one for screaming at movies. After all, he watched plenty of them, and even played a number of games with creepy elements to them. But usually when he watched movies, Alex Smith had company. The weekly horror movie night had nearly been derailed, though, when Trott told him he had other obligations this week.

Like Hell he was going to skip out.

Unfortunately, the movie he'd picked, Saw III, had proven too much and, hiding in his blanket on the couch, Smith had let out a fairly blood-curdling scream. A second followed shortly after at the knocking on his front door.

"Hey, you alright in there?!"

He paused the movie, peeking out. "Y-Yeah, just..." Oh God, he sounded so scared. He got up, going to peek out the door of his flat. "Oh, hey, Ross. Just watching a movie. Sorry, did I disturb you? I can turn it down." His heart was still hammering from the scare factor. Or was it? Now he couldn't tell.

"Just worried, mate." Pale blue eyes flicked from Smith to the television, before his eyebrows went up. "Is that Saw?"

"Saw III, actually." Smith paused, then opened the door more. "Did... Did you want to join me? I don't usually watch these alone, but my friend couldn't make it for our weekly movie night."

Ross' eyes went wide, eyebrows up. "I could watch those movies over and over, hell yes!" He soon joined Smith on the couch, sharing the popcorn between them as it continued. By the end of the movie, and the start of the next one, they were both hiding under the blanket together.


	3. You keep coming in the bakery I work at, buy something!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Every morning you walk in and inhale deeply then walk back out seriously just buy something already’ AU
> 
> (Or, Drani was in Bee's art stream and an AU was born)

It happened like clockwork, every morning at 8:15 am on the dot. There would be a ding from the door, Smith would go to greet the customer, and have to stop and stare as the dark-haired stranger simply inhaled a deep breath and left, not a word spoken. It was confusing at best, frustrating somewhere in the middle, and infuriating at worst.

Naturally his usual morning coworker, Trott, found it hilarious. "Maybe it's just his version of coffee! Come in, smell the bread and doughnuts baking, leave to go to work or something." Wearing giant oven mitts, he removed a tray of bread from the oven. "If I didn't work here, I'd sure as hell do that, too!"

"It's NOT his morning coffee, because he's always got a Starbucks cup in his hand!" Smith paced, then looked at the clock. 8:10. Five minutes until the stranger showed up. He grabbed the tray of doughnuts, blessedly finished already, and hurried out to put them away.

Five minutes later, at 8:15 on the dot, as Smith placed the last doughnut into the display case, the door opened with a chime and there stood the man, as always, taking a deep breath.

It was now or never, wasn't it? "Morning, welcome to Sugar Tits Bake Shop, can I interest you in a doughnut? Since you're so keen on coming in and smelling our baked goods every morning and all!"

The man paused, blinking owlishly. "Oh, um... I'm actually in a hurry, I'll have to.. Pass, thanks."

He was NOT standing for this. Quickly grabbing a cookie in paper, Smith went around the corner. "Come on, just a snickerdoodle, at least? They're amazing!" Really he was amazed he wasn't as fat as the shop's owner with how much he ate the baked goods. "You can even have it on the house!"

"No, that's really okay, I have to go!" And just like that, he was gone, leaving Smith standing there holding a lonely snickerdoodle.

Trott peeked out of the door as Smith let out a frustrated yell, "Oh your plan didn't work, eh?"

"NO!" He went back behind the counter, holding the cookie up. "I even offered him a free snickerdoodle! I mean, who passes up MY snickerdoodles?! EVERYBODY loves my snickerdoodles!"

"That IS unusual." Trott began placing his carefully-iced cookies in the case, each with a more ridiculous expression than the last and a few decidedly not the kind you took to work. Really, a lot of the things they sold weren't the sort of thing you took to work.

Unless you worked at a sex shop or something, of course.

Smith could only let out a frustrated sound, before stuffing the snickerdoodle in his mouth. When the last crumbs of it were gone, he held his hands up, "How could he pass my snickerdoodle up, Trott? I make them with LOVE!"

"We make everything with love here, Smith, and lots of innuendos."

"I know, but still! Nobody passes them up!"

Letting out a sigh, Trott reached up and knocked the heel of his palm against Smith's forhead. "Look, stop focusing on the guy who sniffs the air that you have a crush on, and get back to work! Put the bread in the rack, already!"

Smith gave a huff, going to get the bread. Holding the tray, he suddenly stopped, turning around. "I do not have a crush on him, I don't even know his name!"

"No but you obsess over him like a school girl over the hot jock! Put the bread up!"

"Fine, fine!"

* * *

 

At 8:10 on the dot, the door gave a merry jingle as it opened. When Trott walked out to greet the customer, his eyebrows went up. "Smith, your boyfriend's here!"

"I don't have a boyfriend, Trott, what are you-" He stopped when he stepped out, staring at the stranger from before. He glanced at the clock on the wall, to assure himself that he wasn't seeing things. It was, indeed, 8:10 in the morning, not 8:15, and here stood the mysterious Air Sniffer. "You're five minutes early."

The man smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, felt bad about yesterday. I'm always running late for work, see, don't usually have time to grab a proper bite out the door and the stuff at Starbucks is too involved for eating on the go... So I just pop in the door, take a breath of the air in here because it smells so good, and then leave."

"So it's nothing to do with the place's name?"

"I didn't pay attention to the name until yesterday, actually, when you said it." He glanced at the window, one eyebrow up at the interesting baked good in the center of the logo. "But, actually got up early enough today, I think I'll try something." He paused, then looked at Smith, "And maybe ask for your number?"

While Smith's brain did a reboot, Trott went over to the various cases. "What can we get you, then? I might recommend the knobholes, they're excellent!" He elbowed Smith in the side, glancing at him as he grabbed a bag.

"Uh- Oh, yeah! And the dicklairs!"

One dark eyebrow went up again. "Are you telling me to put your dick in my mouth? Kinky!"

"What? NO! They're eclairs shaped like dicks!" He then looked at the man sideways, one eyebrow up, "Unless you WANT me to put my dick in your mouth? I don't even know your name, mate."

Snorting in laughter, he pointed to the case, "I'll take one dicklair, and my name's Ross. By the way, you owe me one snickerdoodle," he glanced at the tag on the Hot Stuff apron, "Smith."

Grabbing a snickerdoodle, he put it in the bag with the dicklair, "That I do!" After he'd wrung Ross up, he scribbled something on the bag, then passed it over. "Thank you for shopping with Sugar Tits Bake Shop, have a sugary day!"

Ross let out a laugh, waving as he left. When he looked at the bag, he found a phone number scrawled across it. He glanced in the window, holding back laughter at Smith doing some sort of cheering with his coworker. He looked forward to calling Smith later.


	4. Oh, you found out I work work in a sex shop...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Tweaked) Prompt: so i’m in a sex shop looking for something really inappropriate to give my best mate’s girlfriend as a birthday gift because she dared say i was ‘finally growing up’ and you’re the astonishingly unimpressed clerk who’s stuck helping me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Direct sequel to "You keep coming in the bakery I work at, buy something!"

There was nothing more Ross wanted than to be at home, watching some movie or other, and relaxing in just pajama pants. Instead, because it was almost Valentine's Day, he was at work dealing with all sorts of customers.

"I'm sorry, sir, but that size is currently out of stock."

The customer, thankfully the only one in the shop, let out a huff. "Well, do you know if another location DOES have it?"

He rubbed the back of his neck, then went over to his register. "I can look, but there's only three locations in the whole CITY, so if they don't have it... I'm afraid you'll have to order online or do without."

"Well that's just wonderful.."

Bringing up the inventory search, Ross typed in the product's number, searching the system. When his face fell, he heard the customer let out a dejected sigh. "I'm sorry, neither of the other two locations have it, either. I can write you a rain cheque, though? I have the authorization for the Valentines season..."

The man waved his hand, shaking his head, "No, no, that's alright. Guess it wasn't meant to be this time. I'll come back next week, maybe it'll be in then." He didn't let Ross get another word in, going out the door. There was the sound of a shuffling of feet and a couple of shared 'excuse me's before he was gone, the door closing with a merry jingle of the bell.

"Good day, welcome to-" Ross turned from closing out the inventory search, only to stop and gape. "SMITH?"

"ROSS?" Smith nearly bolted out the door, face turning a bright red when he saw Ross behind the counter. "You... You work in a sex shop... Why do you work in a sex shop?"

"Why do you work in a bakery? I usually enjoy being here." He walked around the counter, going back to straightening shelves. "The real question is, what brings YOU into a sex shop?"

At this, Smith let out an awkward cough. "Well... Trott's girlfriend commented that I'm FINALLY growing up and I wanted to get her something embarrassing as revenge..."

Without a second thought, or even looking up, Ross pointed over to a wall. "Dragon dildo." He didn't even look up when Smith began sputtering in surprise.

"I can't get her THAT! Trott'd KILL me with the bread board, and don't forget I have to WORK with him every morning!"

Setting a box down, Ross straightened up, leveling a look at Smith. "Then perhaps go to a JOKE SHOP to buy her a joke gift, not a SEX shop where the products are for SERIOUS buyers."

One eyebrow went up, "Are YOU a serious buyer?"

"If you must know, yes! The discount sure as hell helps THAT front." Satisfied with how things looked, he started for the stockroom door. "I need to get some lube from the back, I trust you won't take anything while I'm not present, given I know where YOU work."

Smith's mind came to a screeching halt as his face turned a deep crimson. "You're getting LUBE?"

"To put on the shelves!" He stopped, holding the door open as he eyed Smith. "What, did you think I was going to bend you over the counter or something?"

"Well, the way you SAID it, YES!"

Ross glanced at the door in thought, then back at Smith. His expression went from half-lidded and otherwise blank to a big grin and wiggling eyebrows. "Well, when you put it THAT way..."

"Maybe I WILL go to the joke shop..."

"I'm KIDDING! Look," He motioned Smith over, then grabbed a box off a back shelf, "Give her this."

"TINY dragon dildos."

"More than just dragon dildos in there, mate. There's a couple dog ones-"

Smith balked, "Why do you know-?"

"Because one, I've had dogs and if they sit right while scratching it all just flops out. Two," he motioned around, "I work in a SEX SHOP, people come in here for all kinds of weird kinks! You stop asking questions fast. Now as I was SAYING... Dragon, dog, horse, some sort of alien..."

Admittedly, while as truthful as he was listing the tiny miniature dildos, Ross was getting a sense of gleeful amusement at the faces Smith was making.

"They make the funniest little tree ornaments, too!"

At this, Smith found any latent embarrassment fleeing. "You... Decorated a tree with tiny dildos... And your mum thought WHAT when she visited?"

Ross let out an amused sound. "Oh, I hide it if she visits. It's a tiny table-top tree, so it's easy enough. While you think about that box of tiny dildos, though, I need to go get lube." He paused. "For the shelves, not bending you over the counter." Before Smith could fully react past blushing anew, Ross was gone.

As soon as the door was closed and Smith was sure he was outside hearing range, he set the box down and covered his face. "Fuck me, why's he gotta be hot AND work in a sex shop...?"


End file.
